Wednesday, January 30, 2008

LOVE the TUB

Susie loves the tub sooo much... she stays in long after her toes have turned into human raisins.
Her new favorite thing to do in the tub is to lie on her back and kick her legs as fast as she can. This first picture shows her laughing while doing such. (I feel like I am in the front row at Sea World with all the water that flies during this activity!)

Love the bunny-towel.... thanks, Trish.
Susie, the dancing bunny.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Heavenly Text

The other week or so I was looking through my text messages... and found one that was sent by my brother Aaron's phone number. I gasped, then quickly opened it. It was sent on one of the last days that I saw him in person.

This day was August 1st, 2007. One of my last glimpses of him was on his way into the O'Hare Airport in Chicago. He was leaving to go back to his home in Utah. I can remember, and can picture him now waiting at the curbside trying to check-in his bags. He was wearing a black, dusty hat and grungy clothes that he had obviously worked in, doing who-knows-what... he did so much work, whether it was making furniture, painting, helping someone with their car, moving his sister across the country. He looked tired. But, as we drove away he turned around and waved to us with a humble grin.

Aaron drove the moving truck that we had rented all the way from Woods Cross, Utah to North Chicago, Illinois. Dave had become very ill a few days before we were to make the big move... and Aaron offered to do that for us. So Dave and Aaron drove together... and how grateful Dave is to have had that precious alone time with him. Aaron drove the whole way.

I flew to Chicago with Susie two or three days after Dave and Aaron left on the road. They were trying to plan it just right so that they would be to the airport, to pick me up, in the moving truck when I arrived. Aaron drove most of the night, backing-up into someones front lawn while trying to make a three-point-turn (they said that mud was flying), and then got up early to make it just minutes after I arrived by plane.

Not only did Aaron drive all that way, but he then helped us unload all of our belongings and carry them up three flights of stairs into our apartment.

I didn't even mention that he had constant back pain... yet, he still drove all that way in an uncomfortable moving truck and still carried all our heavy items up all those stairs.

He stayed one night at our new place.... buying us our first dinner in our new kitchen, which consisted of "authentic" Mexican food, as he said. Unfortunately, he couldn't remember what the restaurant was called that he got it at. He said that none of the workers spoke English.... so, he didn't even know what he was really ordering. But, it was very delicious! He then slept on our couch... I offered the bed, but he would not accept.

The next morning he helped us prepare the moving truck for return. Dave and I had wanted to spend the day in the city before he left, but he said 'no, no, next time I come'.

So, some of the last physical moments that I had with my brother were of him serving me in a huge way. But, I have to say that it was not at all abnormal for him to do stuff like this for me, my other siblings, or anyone else for that matter. He was full of charity. He loved big and wanted to show you whenever he got the chance. He took advantage of those opportunities.

I had written Aaron a small note of gratitude, for moving us across the country and for being the brother that I loved and looked up to. I slipped it into one of his bags before we headed to the airport.

After Aaron died, we went through some of his personal belongings. And in his wallet I found the note that I had written him. He had carried it with him all those months. I hope he read it often. It is a tender mercy to me, and I feel it to be a gift from Aaron that he did this. It means so much to me that my letter meant so much to him.

The text message that he wrote to me on August 1st, 2007 reads:
"Thanks for letting me help. I miss all three of u."

We miss you.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Pictures help

Looking at pictures of my brother is very helpful for me. There are trips, special occasions, and every-day-life pictures that just flood my mind of memories I have. Those memories are so warm and therapeutic for me. As I have thought and thought about things I've done with my brother, places we've gone together, and growing up with one another... I have not been able to think of even one incident where my brother and I got in a quarrel. That is amazing. He was so easy to get along with.... so kind and gentle. He was so physically strong and capable, but was even more tender at heart. I loved his hugs... they would just engulf you. I have thought about those big hugs a lot since he has past... and as I think about it now, perhaps it is a tender mercy that I have been able to remember those hugs so vividly, because oh how sweet and healing they could be.
My memories of my brother are sweeter than nectar... one of the best treasures I have. I'm grateful I have some wonderful pictures to back those memories up. Here are some pictures that I had on our computer of my brother. Leslie, Aaron Jr., my brother Aaron.

Aaron Jr. wearing his Daddy's shoes. He was such a Daddy's boy... it pains me to think of him growing up without his Daddy there.

Aaron Jr. in his Daddy's vest.... adorable!

Aaron with his son Aaron Jr. Aaron loved to be a father and was an excellent one.

Aaron and Aaron Jr. on Aaron's speed boat.


Aaron loved to fish... and always managed to catch the biggest one. He once caught a fish with a piece of chewed-up gum!


Aaron is in the right-hand corner of this picture. I like this picture because it shows Aaron laughing... and for some reason he often took his hand to his head, as shown in this picture, when he laughed.


He was a cowboy at heart.

Aaron and Aaron Jr. looking for good 'skipping' rocks. Proud to match his son.


Aaron with his loved dog, Ode. Ode went anywhere and everywhere with Aaron. Aaron actually found Ode, years ago, on the side of a freeway in a cardboard box... and took him home.


He loved the outdoors.


Aaron was amazing at wake boarding. I was blessed to go with him many times... and was in awe every time with how much 'air' he could get.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

How to go on?

I have thought many times about posting, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Loosing my brother is definitely the hardest thing I've had to face. It is impossible for me to try to explain even a portion of what he meant to me. He wasn't one of those kind of brothers that just pick on their younger sister (although I have a story or two of him doing so). He was a brother that loved me from his core... and he let me know. He didn't only tell me, he showed me how much he loved me. There are numberless times that my dear brother came to my help. He served me. He sacrificed for me... and I knew that if I ever needed anything, and I mean anything, he would be there to do it with a big grin! He called me often, just to talk. He tried setting me up with his friends... and set me up with the love of my life, Dave. He invited me on trips and outings. He made me feel like I was one of his best friends... he was one of mine.
A sweet lady from my ward, Sister Pina, wrote me a note letting me know of her condolences. She said something that I have thought a lot about. She said, "you will never get over it, but you will get through it." I hope to get through this well, because I will never ever get over loosing my brother and friend. Oh, how I miss him.
I am so grateful for family. I am a blessed girl. I have the most amazing family. I have my amazing husband and daughter. And, I have the family I was blessed to be born into and the family I was lucky to marry into. I love each one of you, my family. That is the biggest way I feel of my Heavenly Fathers love... because of the family he blessed me to have.

Lake Powell this past summer. Susie, Dave, Me, and my sister-in-law Leslie(Aaron's wife), my brother Aaron, my nephew Aaron Jr., my brother-in-law Scott, my nephew Jakson, my brother-in-law Rob. So glad I had the chance to go to both my brother and my favorite place on earth... one last time together.
Last picture taken of the whole Harkness family.
My Whiting family.